39 Jalan Anggerek
Singapore 369474
3rd Jan 2010
101A Upper Cross Street
#09-08A, People’s Park Centre
Singapore 058357
Dear Sir/Madam,
HR Consultant Application Letter
I am enclosing my resume in response to your advertisement on monster job search dated 14th Dec 2009.
I am currently undergoing my undergraduate studies at NUS in physics. In physics, students learn to grasp concepts quickly and to apply them to various problems. Since Physics is a subject which requires deriving equations and learning concepts quickly, it trains my ability to analyse links between various topics and applying the necessary mathematical manipulations. Additionally, I am often require to be independent in my learning because of the fast paced lectures, fellow coursemates are either equally clueless or they do not have time to help me out all the time.
On top of my studies in school, I joined the Science Club Dinner and Dance(DND) commitee as the pageant manager. In this role, I managed the welfare of my contestants as well as ensure the smooth running of training sessions as well as the event itself. This demonstrates my ability to work with people as well as the resourcefulness in solving problems to ensure that everything goes according to plan. I would like to emphasise that the bash organised by the DND commitee received favorable review on funkgrad.com. Also, I received a special mention award for my contributions outside the scope of my responsibilities. This emphasises my willingness to go beyond doing my fair bit.
I am interested in this job because I find that constantly strategising and developing new recruitment plans is something very challenging and also something quite different from what I am currently doing. Also, doing mass interviews is something I would enjoy doing because I like to speak and interact with people face to face.
I can take either a full time or a part time job. Since I am still schooling, I do not mind an internship as well. Alternatively, I could take up unpaid work experience. I am really keen to work for your company and I hope you will look favorably at my application. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr Jude Too
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Hey Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteI think overall the letter's organization and tone were appropriate and good. Maybe you could adjust the format a bit. Had the same problem when I uploaded my letter too. I think you could edit it using the 'remove formating for selection' button or the markup language which appears on one of the tabs.
Also you could change the phrasing of the sentence "I am interested in this job because I find that constantly strategising.. what I am currently doing." Maybe you could shorten it to " I am interested in this job because I find that constantly strategising and developing new recruitment plans is very challenging and different from what I am currently doing."
Maybe you could shorten the sentence "I would like to emphasise that the bash organised by the DND commitee received favorable review on funkgrad.com." to "The DND bash received favourable reviews on funkygrad.com."
Just my two cents worth :) All the best too!
Hi Soon yee!
ReplyDeleteI think overall your organisation of the letter is quite good! and i like the example of the science club D&D that you included to substantiate your point.
But i realised that in your second last paragraph, you used the word "something" 3 times! maybe your should change it to other words like "what".
This sentence: "In this role, I managed the welfare of my contestants as well as ensure the smooth running..." Managed and ensure is not in the same tense. i think this can be shortened to "My role as an welfare manager was to manage the welfare of my contestants and to ensure the smooth running..."
just my 2 cents worth!
All the best! :D
Hi Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteA good layout overall! I know blogspot has this problem all the time, but perhaps some tweaking in the paragraphs.
Some minor correction: "I am often require to be independent in my learning..." --> "I am often requireD to..."
Perhaps using a power word would be nicer in this cover letter: "I joined the Science Club Dinner and Dance(DND) commitee" --> "I participated in the..."
That's all! Good luck.
Thanks for all the comments everyone. I tried changing the formatt but blogspot refused to allow me to do it so I gave up.
ReplyDeleteHo-ho Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteYou really really really want this job, do you? lol.You sounded very sincere in this letter.Thumbs-up.
However, if you are applying for a HR job ( human resource right?), you might not want to stress about your degree in physics in the first paragraph? Perhaps, you might want to consider writing about your ccas and job experiences first instead of stressing about your physics education.
There something commendable about your letter though.You actually highlighted and emphasize the reasons why the employer might want to dial your phone number.You used words like " I would like to emphasize..." and "this emphasize". Such words actually bring the attention of the employer to the capabilities and the relevant skills you possessed, making it a highlight of your application letter.
In your conclusion, you mentioned that you would not mind taking an unpaid internship.It sounds attractive to the employer but the tone of your sentences makes it sound like you are "begging" for the job,undermining yourself.You want to show respect to your employer but you do not want to show that you are vulnerable or of less worthy.Hence, you might want to consider rewriting the sentences.
But then again, your letter is concise and you manage to add some of your personality in it, which makes it quite unique as well.
Wow thanks Denise for the compliments. I don't think I am was really conscious of what I did so thanks for pointing it out. Hopefully I can keep the good parts you've mentioned and improved the not so good parts the next time I draft another application letter. Thanks again and Happy Chinese New Year to you and everyone who is reading!
ReplyDelete