On a trip to visit my relatives in China, I came across a very interesting practice. In Singapore, it is normal that shoes are to be taken off and placed outside the house. Such behavior is logical since shoes are usually dirty from walking on outside roads and pavements. It does not make sense to dirty the floor and then sweep it after that. Most Singaporeans are still a pragmatic lot. However, I was in for a surprise over on my trip to China. I "politely" took my shoes off when I went to visit their house but I was urged to wear my shoes into the house by my relatives and was told not to stand on ceremony. In fact, wearing shoes into the house is such an important practice to them, they said that they would not step into a house if they could not wear their shoes in.
Forward a few years and now was their turn to visit Singapore. They dropped by my place on their trip and then suddenly we thought about what was said a few years back. What about their shoes? Would they wear them in? Should we hold on to our usual practice of not wearing shoes in the house or should we make an exception? Fortunately, they decided to adapt to our culture whilst they were in Singapore and not turn this into a difficult situation.
What does this situation tell us? It is not a conflict in all sense of the word but it is still a situation. It was also a potentially difficult scenario which thankfully did not erupt into anything ugly. It might not be the hardest conflict to solve but it does tell us a few things. Firstly, cultures and practices change drastically from place to place. I considered the practice of taking my shoes off as being polite while they felt that it was impolite not to be allowed with their shoes in. Secondly, we must learn to be sensitive and adapt so as to prevent the cross-cultural differences from causing any big problems. For my case, my relatives and I both adapted accordingly and hence no conflict arose. Thirdly, we should keep ourselves informed so that we can pre-empt any differences that can become causes of disagreements.
Everyone has their own set of filters. For the same situation, it might gardner extremely different responses from different people. On top of the lessons learnt from my example, there is at least one more learning point that was not included. Cross-cultures might be a problem but it could also turn into an advantageous position. Not all surprises are bad. If you could impress somone of another culture with your sensitivity and your knowledge of their culture, the "problem" might actually work in your favour.
Happy Chinese New Year everyone and enjoy your holidays.
Hi Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with you! Sensitivity and adaptability are very important. There is a saying; “when in Rome, do as the Romans do”. In your case, both sides did the best possible action! If there are some cross-cultures which are difficult to solve, pre-emptive informing make us to prepare and face the worst scenario and help be better off.
Happy Chinese New Year to you too :-)
Hey Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteIn my culture too it's customory to take off your shoes when visiting family and friends. When you walk into the host's house with shoes when you haven't been urged to walk in wearing them, it's a subtle sign of disrespect. I know my mother would frown at me if she ever saw me do that!
I think it's very important to acquaint yourself with such customs ESPECIALLY when visiting homes, because it's such a personal thing. Many people, whatever culture they are from, would be more highly offended at cultural faux pas that take place in their own homes than they would if it took place outside.
Hey Soon Yee,
ReplyDeleteI recently travelled to China as well. I think this custom may be due to different generation customs. As when I visited the house of my grand uncle, we wore our shoes into the house. However when I visited younger relatives' houses, we had to take off our shoes before stepping into the house. Although, they provided us with slippers inside the house.
I think we should learn to adapt quickly to situations as they may not be the same even though it is within the same Chinese culture.
To Ranmali and Ye Thu Win: Yes and I really stress the importance of acquainting oneself to a foreigen culture. Even if one decides to not adapt, they could at least know what are the taboo things that they should not do or what are the grounds that should not be stepped on.
ReplyDeleteTiffany: Haha, interesting. Slippers are kind of like shoes aren't they? Now this is like a mix of culture between the Chinese tradition of wearing their shoes and also the inclusion of pragmatism. Now they do not have to sweep their floors. This is also an interesting example because it shows how there are subcultures within a larger culture as well.
Thanks, Soon Yee, for this fine observation and analysis. "Not standing on ceremony" is a phrase that seems appropriate here. It's clear that both you and your relatives were able to adapt quickly to the differing cultural norms.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of shoes, when I once suggested to my own mother that she have visitors take off their shoes upon entering her house since it would leave the house cleaner, she took offense. That's not the American way, she said. I had to laugh inside. American way? Why not be practical rather than adhere to an old, ineffective manner of doing something.
I agree with you Brad. If we had no reason to choose tradition over the new way, we should just let logic choose the most logical and pragmatic solution.
ReplyDelete